8 Things to Ask Your Daughter’s Boyfriend

by Jenny Shain on January 30, 2012

There is a lot of mindless, pointless dating going on. A lot of boys with no good intentions that want to date some really fabulous young women in our communities. We’ve all heard about dads who joke, “I’ll get my gun out if any boy comes around.” But I find it strange that I rarely hear of any fathers or mothers giving wise council to these young men & women. Where are the fathers & mothers that know how to handle a guy who wants to date their daughters?

It’s time to Be Courageous. Ask Hard Questions.

1. What is your PURPOSE in dating my daughter?

2. What are your spiritual beliefs? 

“Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14

If they are not at peace with God, then you can just stop right there. We cannot act like these relationships are cute. We cannot support a relationship between a believer & a non-believer. This subject must not be treated lightly. In God’s law, a pastor cannot marry a couple that is not one in Christ. God has something Better! I’ve found that many girls & ladies do not really BELIEVE that God truly DOES have something BETTER for them. Even when women cannot believe this for themselves, WE must REMIND them.

3. What are you doing to protect the PURITY of my daughter?

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”

1 Corinthians 6:18-20

Is he touching her inappropriately? ASK!

4. How do you PROVIDE for yourself?

5. How do you PLAN on providing for a family?

6. What’s your credit score?

If they aren’t scared by now, this ought to get ‘em! One of the BEST indicators of a man’s integrity & responsibility is his credit score. Financial issues are the number one reason for divorce. We want something BETTER!!!

7. When was the last time you got angry? How did you respond? 

8. Are you prepared for marriage?

Let me know what they say to this one. If he’s already proposed, you’re going to have to get on it & work fast!

What is the point in dating someone that isn’t suitable for marriage? There isn’t one.

I hope we see strong moms, dads, & leaders rise up! Be Courageous!

Give the single women & men in your community sound advice on dating & marriage. It’s your God given responsibility & honor to guide them. Not just to be their “friends.”

 8 Things to Ask Your Daughters Boyfriend

Now let’s go change the world.

Professional Life Coach, Jenny Fox Shain, M.A.

Life Coach to Creative Youth & Young Adults

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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Carolyn Hughes June 25, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Although my daughters aren’t dating age yet, this is still useful because the discussion of appropriate relationships needs to start before they become involved.
Love this post Jenny! Let’s not let our daughters settle for anything less than God would want for them.

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Jenny Shain June 25, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Yes, it sure does. We also must prepare our sons early (way before they get involved) on how, & what it means, to provide for a marriage & family.

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Mary Marriner June 25, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Yes….all of these, and open the door with a shotgun in your hand….Makes them think twice every time!
:)

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PENNY June 25, 2012 at 4:38 pm

I love this…I have an 8 yr old daughter that I have already started talking about some of these things to.. I will be keeping the questions you have listed for me to ask when the time comes…acutally I will train my daughter to ask these questions herself with expectations of getting godly answers! thank you!

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Jenny Shain June 25, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Yes Penny! Let’s encourage our daughters & train them to ASK the RIGHT questions to the right guys IN THE RIGHT “SEASON”!
“Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires….for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.” Song of Songs 8:4&6b

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Ron Cross June 25, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Wow, tough questions! I have to share this one. Thanks Jenny!

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Claudia Looi June 25, 2012 at 10:21 pm

I have a 17 year old daughter. These are great questions you have raised. Also great tip to find out their intentions.

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Jenny Shain June 25, 2012 at 11:43 pm

That simple question, “What are your intentions?” can go a LONG way!

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Jessica Stone June 25, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Jenny ~ I have always felt this way, even as *I* was growing up and started dating. I couldn’t understand the point if it wasn’t going anywhere long-term. Each of your points are extremely valid! It reminds me of what Dani Johnson writes about regarding her daughter’s dating in her book “Grooming the Next Generation for Success” :) Great article!

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Jenny Shain June 25, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Jessica, yes, so glad you had the wisdom to understand this when you were dating!
I havne’t read Dani’s articles, but looking fwd to it! Thanks!

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Olga Hermans June 26, 2012 at 10:45 am

This is a great article….and so true. It needs boldness though to ask all these questions. I think when a young man steps out to the father of his girl-friend to ask if he can date her sets the right stage already. I absolutely like the idea of having the father in law and the bridegroom to be getting together and talk about things. Thanks

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